In my humble view, the journey of self-discovery, is one of the main objectives of being alive.
The thing is, we develop in our earlier years based on a number of factors that we don’t consciously choose. In fact our development is strongly influenced by the people around us, specifically those in our immediate family environment.
Of course the social influence of schools, friends, religious institutions etc, also have an invective impact.
But here it is:
We are what we are because of those who taught us who we are
So, what does this all mean?
It’s simple – we develop in an automated way. Our choices around our own realness is contaminated by the influences of our immediate caregivers. Imposed influences. Influences were foisted on us by others without our permission or consent.
This is most profound because it presupposes that the version that we have of ourselves is not who we actually are. Rather it is a reflection of how others have seen us throughout our lives, and in the process, convinced us that their point of view is correct.
You can be sure that this is not the real you.
This could be good news or it could be bad news. It’s just a matter of perspective.
However, there is a single cosmic fact – there is only one truth. And there is only one real you. Any other representation is an illusion.
I am going to say that again – there is only one truth and there is only one real you.
All well and good but how does one uncover this authentic self? How do you know that who you are right now is not the real you?
Try this: Begin with any view-point on any topic. If you open it up, you might find a plethora of preconceived ideas that defines your world. These are your limiting beliefs.
Take the following example:
- Black taxis cause all the problems on the roads: I hope you know that this is patently false – this can easily be proved statistically. But, holding onto this belief will keep you feeling powerless and helpless. You might even blame a number of other forces, none of which are in your sphere of control and this will further entrench your sense of hopelessness.
The thing that is very important to understand is that these beliefs are in place for very important reasons – they serve you in some way. In other words there is a benefit that you gain by holding onto these beliefs. Usually it’s based on some issue around self-preservation. This in turn causes fear – and it is this fear that takes the drama forward. Paradoxically these fears are again another layer of beliefs at an even deeper level.
You might be surprised to find that, if you were able analyse these beliefs, they would fall away because they are not true. They would reveal themselves to be falsehoods that bear no relation to your actual reality.
To add an even further complication, the deepest beliefs are put in place at an early age.This being the case, these beliefs have an element of hysteria attached to them.
In the world of a small child, things either black or white – the child lacks the ability to rationalise and discern their experiences. It’s either good or bad – an incident that would be inconsequential to an adult, would be seen as life-threatening to the child.
To illustrate this point, picture the consequences of taking a sweet away from a two-year old child. The result is explosive – the reaction is totally out of proportion to the event itself. This rather ordinary event is turned into a catastrophe. The child sees it as a terminal event. Usually a parent will allow the child to express these feelings and then reward it with love and attention.
But if the child receives no such nurturing and repeatedly has similar experiences, it starts to see everything as a catastrophe. Add to this a uncaring parent/teacher who then accuses the child of being bad for having these feelings, the child starts to see its world as extremely unsafe. This is terribly frightening!
Left unattended, these suppressed feelings are pushed further and further away from the conscious experience until they are nicely packaged away in the subconscious. Their intensity, however, remains and any similar event evokes the sharpness of these fears (albeit at a deeply subconscious level) and causes the person to react.
This reaction is the drama.
The thing is that the drama is a default reaction and is completely automatic!
And, often there is no outward manifestation of this drama. Instead it presents itself through feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and insecurity. Eventually the person emits strong beliefs about their own inability to do things. It is this fear of failure and the concomitant rejection by others, especially by loved ones, that helps to keep these dramas firmly in place.
Now here is the worst part of this whole awful saga. Everyone else can clearing see through the drama and their insecurity is exposed. `This leaves them vulnerable and unprotected. It is in this state that they will feel attacked and threatened.
And here is some bad news and some good news – they are creating it all! In other words if they stopped the drama, they would experience themselves in a completely different way!
How empowering is that!
Yes – if you are the creator of your experiences, you can choose to create something different.
Now, please understand that this is big stuff here! Being willing to accept that you create what you get, both good and bad, means that you have to face your worst nightmare- yourself!
But here is some especially interesting information on this whole conundrum: Maybe, just maybe, you are not what you think you have to run away from. You are not a failure or ugly or unlovable or pathetic or repulsive. You are just fine the way your are – a human being having a human experience with all the foibles that come with it.
I was walking through the airport one day when I saw a guy wearing a t-sheet with big writing that said; `Shit Happens. At first I was offended and then I got it! Things happen in life that I have no control over. I cannot control what happens to me – I can, however, choose how to respond to it. It was an epiphany of note and was one of those events that loosened the grip that my dramas had over me. Previously they were telling me I was causing all the trouble – it was my fault. No wonder the drama was so important. I was spending all my time and energy on self accusation and defending my innocence.
It takes an enormous amount of self-awareness, to slow down the processes and uncover these deep-seated beliefs and then examine their validity. It is this cognitive validation process that allows for the release and resolution of the past fears and hurts and let go of the need for the drama.
The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is the revelation of the true spontaneous self.
It’s that simple.
Break free from your limiting beliefs and you will find the real, true and wonderful ‘you’!